Who am I?
I am the girl next door. The nurturer. The sister. The daughter. The mother. The friend.
I am loyal. And loving. And caring.
I am sensitive. And moody. And masked.
*Follow your bliss. Find where it is and don't be afraid to follow it.
Wait for the boy who pursues you, the one who will make an ordinary moment seem magical, the kinda boy who brings out the best in you and makes you want to be a better person. Wait for the boy who will be your best friend, the only person who will drop everything to be w/ you at anytime no matter what circumstances. Wait for the boy who makes you smile like no one else and when he smiles you know he needs you. Wait for the boy who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats and have no makeup on, but appreciates it when you get dolled up for him and most of all wait for the boy who will put you at the center of his universe because that's where you belong
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You know those bad days that always seem to get worse when you think it can't anymore? Yeah, been one of those days.
I hate it when people disappoint you when you expect them to but you still have that little ray of hope that they won't and prove you wrong. Those are the worst. It's a curse: having an unusually strong belief in the good of people. It bites you in the ass more times than people go along with your belief.
I've always been a person to give someone a second or third chance. In fact, I'll go on believing that you're a good person so I should never give up on you even when you treat me like dirt. Or when you ignore me unless you need something from me. Or when I know that your just using me to get what you want.
And do we know why?
Because it's easier for me to do that than to be alone and not have anyone near me. That's one of my greatest fears.
I wish they wouldn't prove me wrong the bad way. And I wish it didn't affect me so much in the end.
Posted at 12:02 am by hypnotic-reverie
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Sometimes I've wondered why there aren't any movies made about people like me... girls like me... and now I know, and I should've known from the start: It's because we are too boring of an existence to be in the light. Sure we've got the heartaches and pining for those guys who we think are swell. We've got the hardships and letdowns... all the shitty things you expect in a plot for a movie... b u t
nothing big ever gets resolved... there's no prince charming - in fact, there is no prince. Well, in our eyes, yes... but the one who saves the day and is totally in love with the girl and is willing to do anything for her? No. There's no one like that in my story. Ok, but besides the prince... why else is it boring? Because nothing too big happens. Nothing extraordinary, at least. Well ok it's all centered on a guy, usually, right? Right. Of course it is, why? Because every gal wants a guy and that's what sells. And in movies, the girls gets the guy at least for a little bit.... whether it's right from the start or right before it all ends... she gets the guy. In this story, the girl never gets the guy. Why? Because the girl's too chicken to do anything that could possibly get the guy, or at least let the guy know that she's interested in him. How much does that suck? Lots. I mean I'm sure that this story would be movie material if only she acted upon her interest at least once... but she never does. Frustrating? Yes. So why doesn't she do anything? Because she's scared. And because she expects to be rejected anyway, so what's the point of acting? Like I said: much too boring of a plot to be seen by the masses. I mean it makes sense... who wants to watch a story that goes nowhere? Not the general public. Poor girls. Bottom of hierarchy, bottom of interest.
Posted at 10:42 pm by hypnotic-reverie
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A Tribute to those at the bottom of the hiearchy. Nice Guys:
To every guy that's said, "Sex can wait."
To every guy that's said, "You're
beautiful."
To every guy that was never too busy to drive across
town to see her.
To every guy that gives flowers and a card when she
is sick.
To every guy who has given her flowers just because.
To every guy that said he would die for her.
To every guy that really would.
To every guy that did what she wanted to do.
To every guy that regrets hurting her.
To every guy that cried in front of her.
To every guy that she cried in front of.
To every guy that holds hands with her.
To every guy that kisses her with meaning.
To every guy that hugs her when she's sad.
To every guy that hugs her for no reason at all.
To every guy who would give their jacket up.
To every guy that calls to make sure she got home
safe.
To every guy that would sit and wait for her for hours
just to be able to see her for ten minutes.
To every guy that would give his seat up.
To every guy that just wants to cuddle with his
special movie partner.
To every guy that reassured her that she was
beautiful no matter what..cuz he believes in her.
To every guy who told his secrets and fears to her.
To every guy that tried to show how much he cared
through every word and every breath.
To every guy that thought maybe this could be the
one.
To every guy that believed in her dreams.
To every guy that would have done anything so she
could achieve them.
To every guy that never laughed at her when she told
him her dreams.
To every guy that walked her to her car.
To every guy that wasn't just trying to get LAID!!!!
To every guy that actually listened.
To every guy that gave his heart only to have it
shoved back in his face.
*****TO EVERY GUY THAT PRAYS THAT SHE IS HAPPY EVEN
IF YOU ARE NOT WITH HER.*****
This one is for you
Nice Girls:
-To every girl who is looking for true love.
-To every
girl that is herself no matter what.
-To every girl that dresses cute not
skanky
-To every girl who wants to be called beautiful not hot.
-To every girl
that will spend her whole day looking for the perfect birthday present for you.
-To every girl who gets her heart broken because he chose the whore instead.
-To every girl who is nice to everyone no matter who they are.
-To every girl
that would die to have a decent boyfriend.
-To every girl that won't settle for
the jerk.
-To every girl who would just like once to be treated like a
princess.
-To every girl that cries at night because of another heartbreak.
-To
every girl that won't get down on her knees and open her mouth just to get a
boyfriend.
-To every girl that just wants to holds hands.
-To every girl that
kisses him with meaning.
-To every girl who just wishes he cared.
-To every
girl who would just once want a guy to give their jacket up when they are cold.
-To every girl who just wants him to call.
- to every girl who wastes her day
waiting by the phone.
-To every girl that just wants to cuddle.
-To every girl
that just wants to sleep (no sex) with him.
-To every girl that is scared to
put her heart out there again because she has been hurt so many times.
-To
every girl who shows how much she cares and gets nothing back.
-To every girl
that thought maybe this could be the one.
-To every girl that believes in her
dreams.
-To every girl that would do anything so she could achieve them.
-To
every girl that laughs at stupid stuff when she actually does think it is
funny.
-To every girl who is just looking for that one and only and is having a
rough time along the way.
-To every girl that gave her heart only to have it
shoved back in her face.
This one is for you.
Posted at 01:03 am by hypnotic-reverie
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how else could i purge my heart of this pillowed dream? here's what sucks about me:
i'm not much with people that i don't know or i'm not comfortable around with. i'm quiet and shy and hesitant and contained. but once i'm pretty sure that you aren't a threat to me or i stop caring about what other people think and shit... that is when i let myself go crazy and do whatever silly things that i do. and i'm a generally happier and bouncy person than i usually am. i just wish that i could be like that around the people that i try to get to know better and try to get closer with. maybe then they'd like me and take time to get to know me. i know that i'm not too impressive or even all that interesting when you first meet me and talk to me.. but i really can be better. i've got my moments too.
... if they'd only give me the chance.
Posted at 12:58 am by hypnotic-reverie
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Monday, February 27, 2006 |
Yo high schoolers need to stop having relationships that work... it's annoyingly cute. lol I'm kidding.. but not really. Like my lil brother and his girl. (Not neil..duh) The pictures are sickeningly cute. Dammit! ::sigh::
Posted at 01:48 am by hypnotic-reverie
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Friday, February 24, 2006 |
I can never ever stress enough how powerful a hug can be. I love human
contact with those that I love and care about. I love hugs. I love them
more than kisses, not like I can say anything about kisses, but still.
So I think it's safe to say that I've received my 6 life-saving hugs
and am quickly getting it to be the required 6 life-saving hugs a day.
I still think that I'm one of the luckiest girls right now to be in
such a loving and caring department. I mean, they show affection
towards each other so freely and with a sort of reckless abandon. It's
beautiful. I think it's because you have to be able to be affectionate
in this business. A person goes crazy if they don't get any love in
this business. I know. I've felt it. And now I'm feeling the love and
I'm LOVING every minute of it. The kisses on the forehead, the
oh-so-powerful head scratches that can really put one to sleep, the
REAL hugs, the little words of encouragement, the compliments and
props, the playful teasing... all of it. I can't believe I've gotten
myself into this, but I'm glad that I did. There's so much that I've
been introduced to in one semester and the beginning of this
current one... it's a whirlwind of activity. I just hope that I keep
what I want to keep and be open to new things but not be stupid about
it. Never would I have imagined having the three awesomest professors
ever. I mean, you can only have the best kinds of people to teach you
in theatre. Now subtract the acting aspect and add some power tools and
you got a hot chot chot theatre production and design major. =) I mean,
who else can say they've gone to a bar wiith their professors on
karaoke night and watched as they've gotten drunk and laughed at their
antics? Or had a professor make them pancakes for breakfast in the
theatre kitchen? Those were some damn good pancakes too....
Anyway, I'm just overfilled with manly goodness. LMAO that's a great
line. I totally copyright and trademark that shizzy. Overfilled with
manly goodness. I love it. It's what every girl like me wishes would
happen to them. And the best part is that I still haven't found myself
one to call my own. Oh well, I'll definitely settle for this treatment
though. =) All I can think about is that heartbeat and the vibrations
from his booming voice that I both heard and felt as my head rested on
his chest. And how comfortable it was to just be able to lie down and
know and feel that someone's watching out for you and won't let
anything happen to you, especially when you're sick and just want to
rest. And how small I was in his big wool coat and the other's purple
hat as we all went to the diner at 6 in the morning for coffee, tea and
coke. And how he'd tell me to go to bed, even though I knew that I'd
never be able to sleep because there were too many people who were wide
awake and loud in the room. And how he'd lay down next to me just so
that I wouldn't be alone and let me rest my head on his arm. And our
long talk about random things - which always seem to be the best kinds
of conversations. And how it felt to slowly and finally drift off to
sleep next to him.
That's what you call tech lovin. And I can get that kind of lovin from
just about any of those guys. They're so great. I love this new family
I've been adopted into. I love all my many families. 
But this one definitely has the most affectionate guys. They give you
hugs for all kinds of silly reasons and none are artificial hugs. I
love the dynamics of the group and how you can totally tell who's
older, and yet it doesn't matter. They're all silly and funny and
helpful and some are even a bit harmful. But if you're smart and think
about stuff first, you'll be fine.
I also love very much how one of them always greets with a "Hey baby,
what's up/how's it going?" Not in a sleezy way, but it's just how he
greets. It sounds very natural for him and when he greeted me like that
oh boy did I feel like I belonged. And add the hug and kiss on ze top
of ze head and a deathly wonderful head scratching. Oh man, it's good
times. hahahaha I feel like I'm being overloaded with all this
goodness.
So yeah, soooo afraid that I'm gonna screw all this up somehow. Let's see how long it takes.
Posted at 12:45 am by hypnotic-reverie
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Wednesday, February 08, 2006 |
How much have you LIVED?
[x] I have eaten more than 5 meals a day.
[x] I have read a lot of books.
[ ] I have been on some sort of varsity team.
[ ] I have run more than 2 miles without stopping.
[x] I have been to Canada
[ ] I have been to Europe
[x] I have watched cartoons for hours.
[x] I have tripped UP the stairs.
[ ] I have fallen down an entire flight of stairs.
[ ] I have been snowboarding/skiing.
[x] I have played ping pong.
[ ] I have played beer pong.
[x] I have swam in the ocean.
[x] I have been on a whale-watch.
[x] I have seen fireworks.
[ ] I have seen a shooting star.
[ ] I have seen a meteor shower.
[x] I have almost drowned.
[x] I have been so embarrassed I wanted to disappear.
[x] I have listened to one cd over & over & over again.
[ ] I have had stitches.
[x] I have been on the honor roll.
[ ] I have had frostbite.
[ ] I have licked a frozen pole and got stuck there.
[x] I have stayed up til 2 doing homework/projects.
[ ] I have had a job before/currently have a job.
[ ] I have been ice skating.
[x] I have been rollerblading.
[x] I have fallen flat on my face.
[x] I have tripped over my own two feet.
[ ] I have been in a fist fight.
[x] I have played videogames for more than 3 hours straight.
[x] I have watched the power rangers.
[x] I have/do attend Church regularly.
[x] I have played truth or dare.
[x] I have already had my 16th birthday.
[x] I have already had my 17th birthday.
[x] I've called someone stupid. And meant it.
[x] I've been in a verbal argument.
[x] I've cried in school.
[ ] I've played basketball on a team.
[ ]I've played baseball on a team.
[ ] I've played football on a team.
[ ] I've played field hockey on a team.
[ ] I've done cheerleading on a team.
[ ] I've played softball on a team.
[ ] I've played tennis on a team
[ ] I've been on a swim team.
[ ] I've been on a track team.
[ ] I've been swimming more than 20 times in my life.
[ ] I've bungee jumped.
[x ]I've climbed a rock wall.
[x] I've lost more than $20.
[x] ive called myself an idiot.
[x] I've called someone else an idiot.
[x] I've cried myself to sleep.
[x] I've had pets.
[ ] I've owned a spice girls cd.
[x] I've owned a britney spears cd.
[x] I've owned an N*Sync cd.
[x] I've owned a backstreet boys cd.
[ ] I've gone skinny dipping.
[ ] I've mooned someone.
[x] I've sworn at someone in authority.
[x] I've been in the newspaper.
[ ] I've been on TV.
[ ] I've been to Hawaii
[ ] I've eaten sushi.
[ ] I've been on the other side of a waterfall.
[x] I've watched all of the Lord of the Rings movies.
[x] I've watched all of the Harry Potter movies.
[ ] I've watched all of the Rocky movies.
[x] I've watched the 3 stooges.
[ ] I've watched "Newly Weds" Nick & Jessica.
[x] I've watched Looney Tunes.
[ ] I've been stuffed into a locker.
[x] I've been called a geek.
[x] I've dumped/broken up with someone.
[ ] I've been dumped/broken up with.
[x] I've studied hard for a test and got a bad grade.
[x] I've not studied at all for a test and aced it.
[ ] I've hugged my mom within in the past 24 hrs.
[ ] I've hugged my dad within the past 24 hours.
[x] I've met a celebrity/music artist.
[x] I've written poetry.
[ ] I've been arrested.
[x] I've been attracted to someone much older than me. (women do that)
[x] I've been tickled till I've cried.
[x] I've tickled someone else until they cried.
[x] I had/have siblings.
[x] I've been to a rock concert.
[x] I've listened to classical music and enjoyed it.
[x] I've been in a play.
[x] I've been picked last in gym class.
[x] I've been picked first in gym class.
[x] I've been picked in that middle-range in gym class.
[x] I've cried in front of my friends.
[x] I've read a book longer than 1,000 pages.
[ ] I've played Halo 2.
[ ] I've freaked out over a sports game.
[x] I've been to Alaska
[ ] I've been to China
[ ] I've been to Spain
[ ] I've been to Italy
[x]I've been to Japan
[ ] I've been to Africa
[ ] I've been to the Middle East
[x] I've had a fight with someone on AIM.
[x] I've had a fight with someone face-to-face.
[x] I've forgiven someone who has done something wrong to me.
[x] I've been forgiven.
[ ] I've been in love.
[ ] I've screamed at a scary movie.
[x] I've cried at a chick flick.
[x] I've watched a lot of action movies.
[ ] I've cried at a commercial.
[x] I've told someone to fuck off.
[x] I've screamed at the top of my lungs.
[ ] I've been to a rap concert.
[ ] I've been to a hip hop concert.
[ ] I've lived in more than 2 houses.
[x] I've driven on the highway
[ ] I've driven more than 40 miles in a day
[x] I've been in a car accident
[ ] I've done drugs.
[x] I've been home sick.
[x] I've thrown up
[ ] I've puked all over someone.
[ ] I've been horseback riding.
[ ] I've filled out more than 10 myspace surveys.
[x] I've spoken my mind in public.
[x] I've proved someone wrong
[x] I've been proved wrong by someone.
[ ] I've broken a leg.
[ ] I've broken an arm.
[ ] I've fallen off a swing.
[x] I've swung on a swing for more than 30 mins straight.
[x] I've watched Winnie the Pooh movies.
[x] I've forgotten my backpack when I've gone to school.
[ ] I've lost my backpack.
[ ] I've come close to dying.
[ ] I've seen someone die.
[x] I've known someone who has died.
[x] I've wanted to be an actor/actress at some point.
[ ] I've done modeling.
[x] I've forgotten to brush my teeth some mornings.
[x] I've taken something/someone for granted.
[x] I've realized how good my life is.
[x] I've counted my blessings.
[x] I've been made fun of by classmates.
[x] I've made fun of a classmate.
[ ] I've been on a date.
[ ] I've been asked on a date and said no.
[ ] I've slapped someone in the face.
[ ] I've been skateboarding
[x] I've been backstabbed by someone I thought was a friend.
[x] I've lied to someone to their face.
[x] I've told a little white lie.
[x] I've taken a day off from school just so I don't go insane.
[ ] I've fainted.
[ ] I've blacked out.
[x] I've had an argument with someone about whether cheerleading is a sport or not.
[ ] I've pushed someone into a pool.
[ ] I've been pushed into a pool.
[ ] I've had/have a broken nose.
[ ] I've had a black eye.
[x] I've lost a tooth.
[ ] I've chipped a tooth.
[ ] I've been called an under achiever
[ ] I've been called an over achiever
... yeah still working on a couple on this list. =p
Posted at 12:23 pm by hypnotic-reverie
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You know, internet cafes didn't even occur to me when i was writing the last entry. thank you for that suggestion.
And now:
30 ways to make a girl smile. <3
01 . Tell her she is beautiful.
02 . Hold her hand whenever you can. she loves that.
03 . Kiss her on the forehead.
04 . Leave her voice messages to wake up to.
05 . Always tell her shes the only girl you wanna be with.[Only if you truly mean it]
06 . When she is upset tell her how much she means to you.
07 . Recognize the small things . . . they mean the most.
08 . Call her baby.
09 . Sing to her no matter how horrible your voice is.
10 . Pick her over all the other girls you hang out with.
11 . Write her notes. (she loves them).
12 . Introduce her to family and friends as your girlfriend.
13 . Play with her hair.
14 . Pick her up, tickle her and play-wrestle with her.
15 . Talk to her without having to kiss her.
16 . Tell her funny jokes, tell her stupid jokes, just tell her jokes.
17. Tell her when you miss her.
18. Let her fall asleep in your arms.
19 . Open her car door.
20 . If she's mad at you, kiss her.
21 . Give her piggyback rides.
22 . Randomly tell her when you think she looks her best.
23 . Treat her the same around your friends as you do when you're alone.
24 . Look her in the eyes and smile.
25 . Let her take as many pictures of you as she wants.
26 . Slow dance with her, even if there isn't any music playing.
27. Dont EVER ignore her, no matter who is around.
28 . Kiss her in the rain. <3
29. Tell her EVERYTHING thats goin on your in your life.
She wants to know.
30. WHEN you fall in love with her . . . Tell her.
Posted at 12:34 am by hypnotic-reverie
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Thursday, January 19, 2006 |
Of course it would be me who makes a mistake about classes and comes to
school... when I don't have a class that day. Haha, well it's good
practice I guess, for when I have Drafting. Oi. Anyways, so I'm in the
library right now, which is where I live when I've got a shitload of
work to do and I can't go home. Actually, it's probably better for me
to be here than at home since there are far fewer distractions in the
library than at home. Eh, whatever works.
Another thing, I need a job, pronto. This whole relying on parents for
money and still not having enough is getting old. Haha.. I need to
learn how to support myself in order to prepare for the "Real World"
Stupid real world. ::sigh:: Well, it's alright, as I'm getting older in
the eyes of others (because I really am just 5, no matter what they
say)... I have to do grown up things like standing up and getting away
from my comfort zone. Taking charge of my own affairs. Scarrrrryyy!
I'd really like to work in a cafe. Not Starbucks, though it is good
coffee and fraps, but a real cafe. It would be good practice so that I
know how cafes are run and whatnot. blehhhhhhh I'm done.
Posted at 11:44 am by hypnotic-reverie
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Saturday, November 26, 2005 |
It's amazing how great you feel after "one fine day". I mean, I wish I had more of these moments and situations before... because oh man, I wouldn't of been as angsty or upset about being single as I did when I was in high school. Those were some of the saddest days of my life... and I wish I had known that it doesn't matter that you're single, it's perfectly alright. Just as it's perfectly alright to want to be in a relationship, but not be in one at the current moment in time. And to always trust in the Lord... he'll bring to you the person who is your perfect match in time. You just have to be a little patient and a little trusting. =)
I wonder who this man will be. Will it be someone I've known forever? Will it be someone that I'd never ever expect to like, or love? And when I do meet him, will it be like those romantic/comedy movies that everyone loves to watch. I think those kinds of movies are the best for a date or watching with guy friends, cuz I mean... guys get to laugh and girls get the romance part of it... it's perfect. =) But yeah... will I bump into him? Will I know right away? Will I hate him first? Will he be the sensitive type or the tough guy who's not really? Will I need to comfort him or will he need to comfort me? Can it be mutual? Will I ever find someone?
.... Ah, the female mind... you so screw yourself over.. and over... and over... and over...
Mmmm... I need myself a good co-ed sleepover with my closest of close friends.. because then it seems like it's just right instead of "OH MY GOSH... BOYS ARE SLEEPING OVER?!?!" hahaha.. I think I'm older than that now... but it's fun to overreact sometimes. ::sigh:: As we get older, it seems like it's just more convenient for co-ed sleepovers just because you spend so much time together and it leaks into the later part of night... and by then everyone's tired and no one wants to get up and drive home. So why not just sleep anyway? Haha... but there are still parents. Which is the leading cause of frustrating. teeheehee....
Alright, that's enough for today, little lady. You're supposed to be the nice, good one.
Psh.
Posted at 05:11 am by hypnotic-reverie
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